


On the Courts of the Mirthful

by dragonofeternal



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-02
Updated: 2012-07-02
Packaged: 2017-11-09 01:14:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/449619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragonofeternal/pseuds/dragonofeternal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An excerpt from the classic Alternian classic of royal literature, A Mari Usque ad Mare, "On the Courts of the Mirthful" instructs young heiresses on the importance of befriending the Grand Highblood with excerpts from Her Imperial Condescension's own journals.</p>
            </blockquote>





	On the Courts of the Mirthful

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written for bonus round 1 of the 2012 Homestuck Shipping Olympics, this piece sought to blend the genres of splatterpunk with Mirrors for Princes, a type of instructional fiction for aspiring nobles.

**A Mari Usque ad Mare  
** _Being an Account of the Reign of Her Imperial Condescension, Sovereign of the Vast Sea of Stars, Her Affairs, and Her Life, Transcribed for the Edification of Later Queens_  
Book the Third, Chapter Fifteen: On the Courts of the Mirthful

All Princesses would do well to endear themselves to he or she whosoever claims him or herself as the Grand Highblood. This figure, well known to all who walk the earth of Alternia's endless night, is often an indigo blood of profound stature, wit, intellect, and cruelty.1 The Grand Highblood serves not only as the leader of the subjuggulators, but as a spiritual leader within the common religion of the indigo bloods, The Church of the Mirthful Messiahs. He serves as a beacon to whom all the indigo bloods look, who brings not only glory in battle but wisdom in peace. He is also a fearsome enemy to those who might oppose him, and is not one to be trifled with or to offend.  
Once again an aspiring heiress might turn her gaze upon the glorious legacy of the Imperial Condescension, who held not only a strong and fruitful alliance with the Grand Highblood, but considered him her moirail, and often spoke fondly of him in her discourses. Excerpted below is a passage from her personal accounts of a visit she once paid him and his court in the year 4879 AT.2 _The Highblood asked me to pay him a visit today, so I decided to acquiesce. Our time together is so limited, with his talons full of managing affairs planetside and my gaze stretched across galaxies. It will do me well to see the painted bastard.  
I was glad to see he was well, and we greeted each other informally, simply embracing like the childhood friends we were before we became aware of our audience, at which point he offered me a smirk and greeted me in a more traditional manner. I was weary from the journey and requested he send his retinue away.   
They scattered like dropped marbles, skittering away before they could rouse his ire.   
I sighed and let myself melt into his massive arms. He cradled me like a ragdoll, gently papping my back and stroking my hair. He whispered my name into my ear, and I smiled, cooing his back. He can be a brute at times, but I would never replace him for anything. Besides, his brutishness is part of his appeal.   
I made a grabbing motion, and he lifted me up into his arms to carry me off to the parlor. It was then that I saw her- a young indigo blood who had returned to spy upon our palest intimacies. He saw her too, and I knew then that I needn't say anything for her to suffer the consequences. My Highblood offered me a small murmur of apology and a peck on the forehead before turning to administer punishment.  
She cried out, realizing she'd been caught, and turned to run. He caught her before she'd taken ten steps. She begged, pleaded, but he was uninterested, grabbing her by one curling horn and wrenching her head to the side with a sharp crack. At first I'd thought it was the sound of her neck snapping, and I was disappointed the show was over so soon. It was merely the cracking of her pathetic, brittle horns under his iron grip. He lifted her up by her unshattered horn, mindless of her babbling pleas for mercy as he traced the dark lines of her facepaint with a thick black claw that drew blood in its wake to pretty up her otherwise unremarkable face. He whipped her by her horn again, calling her a disgrace to the subjuggulators and making her start to cry in a most embarrassing fashion. It was obvious to anyone that she was flushed for him and hoped to get into quadrants. While I couldn't fault her for coveting such a fine specimen, he really was above her.  
I don't say that just as his moirail.  
Her other horn broke, and he drove its point into her cheek. She squealed like a hambeast, trying to fight him off. What a fool. I enjoyed myself as much as he as he slowly carved her to shreds with her own shattered horns, mocking her pathetic little red aspirations. Were he more a beast, he might have claimed her, but that restraint is what marks him as the excellent leader he is.   
After he was done, we went back to his respiteblock, and he painted my face with her blood, which made me giggle like a schoolgirl._

1\. While there may at times be a Grand Highblood who does not possess all of these qualities in their fullest realization, such leaders do not tend to reign for long, as the indigo blooded cultists, crude and foolish though they may be, will not suffer an inferior leader. In cases such as this, it is best to befriend the indigo blood who possesses these qualities, for they will most likely kill and take the place of the current Grand Highblood in a short deal of time, or shall rule with the current as their “fall guy” (to appropriate the colloquialisms of these roguish fellows) until such time that being in the possession of such a pawn becomes unnecessary.  
2\. Editor's Note: the original publication of _A Mari Usque ad Mare_ was in the early centuries of the Condesce's rule. This visit most likely took place during the thirteenth perigee of 239 GCE, when she returned to Alternia to celebrate her victory over the Meiskian system. 


End file.
